On marital bliss

This is dedicated to all those ladies who have had generous helpings of marital bliss.

I had my share of dreams of becoming a bride. But now that the dream is a reality, and I am more than a bride (A wife, a daughter-in-law and above all a married woman), the grim side of marriage has began to dawn on me. Among the sundry issues of family pressure, lifestyle changes, increased responsibilities etc., the one that worries me most is – I don’t look the same anymore! Every person you see makes sure that their first and sometimes only comment has to do with your physical appearance.

Initially you will blush at the compliments of marital bliss glowing on your cheeks. But soon the glow gets replaced by growth – horizontal growth. And suddenly all this bliss and love transcends into love handles …Yes, Love handles. How could anyone name it love handles when one would so hate having it? Is it happiness bundled around my waist? I think no…..

Soon wherever you go, beady eyes scan you head to toe and make it a point to tell you the obvious. You begin to get a lot of unwanted attention. I wonder if it is part of the early phase of married life. It should be, otherwise all the mid 30’s and 40’s ladies wouldn’t utter a word given their own disposition. At family functions, ignorant cousins raise curious questions regarding your sudden exponential growth. High time someone includes it in the sex education curriculum as an FAQ and save new wives from such embarrassing questions.

It’s surprising when friends on the same boat tend to repeat the rhetoric and you wonder if they have stopped looking at the mirror. Some of your soon to be married friends might openly declare that they find it difficult to contain you in their bitsy eyes, and all you can do is mumble “you are next girl!”Hoping she wouldn’t join the lucky league with not so much helpings of marital bliss.

Seemingly innocent queries make you wonder if you have bloated so much that you mask everyone and everything else. It was only the other day that my friend uploaded her birthday pics and not so surprisingly it had more people commenting on my weight gain than wishing her on her birthday. C’mon people…is it that bad?

Well more trouble awaits you if your husband joins you on the path of this horizontal growth. Soon fingers point at your culinary skills. Definitely people are not going to attribute your hubby’s weight gain to your exceptional culinary skills but rather to an assumed laziness that is believed to be in every girl today. The result, it is believed (unquestioned) by elders that you guys have gone into an eating out spree resulting in weight gain. All thanks to a lazy wife! Lazy if she gives cornflakes for breakfast. Lazy if she keeps a maid. Lazy if she uses the washing machine instead of her hands. Damn, why was it invented in the first place if people shouldn’t use it?

People react to your misery in different ways. The elderly from the post independence era always love to categorically accuse the youth of today with the regular aaj kal ki ladkiya kaamchor hai saare. (Girls these days are very lazy). Mel anangi pani edukkilla. But hey, why dint you think of it before making us study for hours just to get into a job that requires only mental exercise and not physical.

Now, worst is if your hubby has a multitasking supermom?  Every time you see her she would tell you the story of how she juggled a zillion things and still managed her home perfectly well. Since most of these post independence born mommies were working women you run out of the regular excuse that she had no work other that managing home.

And then you have that typical neighborhood aunty who tells you the moment she lays her eyes on you,” this would do. Not an ounce more” as if you are a kadai of halwa on the stove that is on the brim of getting overdone. And your reply can be anything but, Oh sure aunty was waiting for your opinion. Now I can turn off that fat generating machine I have installed on me.

Well, though you are married, you cannot leave out your yet to be married friends. Sometimes they are your only source of youthful energy. They suddenly turn into your dietitian cum trainer. And more often you prefer them to Google.

After all this you resolve to put an end to this and hit the gym. But it won’t be long before it will be that time of life when 'weight badna bhi kushi dethi hai' (gaining weight signals a happy occasion).